Chances are if you are reading this you've experienced the struggles of depression or suicidal thoughts or know somebody that has. Chances are whether you realize it or not someone you know has, because suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for people ages 15-34
Struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts is tough, scary and lonely. So having a strong support system around you in the most important thing.
Maybe it's just me, but this is something that's always bothered me- when people tell you to stay alive for your family and friends and co workers, it comes off as "well if you kill yourself you're letting everyone else down and you're gonna cause them pain". Well, while I'm not living for them, I'm living for myself, but I most certainly don't want to put my pain onto them. I don't want to think of how it'll affect my friends knowing they didn't see the warning signs and didn't do anything to stop me. Or to think about my parents finding me dead on my bedroom floor and haunting them every Christmas and birthday that I'm no longer there for. But they don't know the pain and the suffering I'm silently dealing with inside my own head. They will be there for me and support me til the end of time. But the support from others won't get you as far as the support of yourself for yourself.
So let me just say this. No one else is going to save you. You have to save you. That cute guy in your class you have a crush on is not going to save you. Your roommate is not going to save you. Your girlfriend is not going to save you. A stranger on the train is not going to save you. Because when you're crying yourself to sleep alone every night you are the one who wipes the tears away. When you're lying on the bathroom floor gripping a razor you are the one who picks yourself up and puts it away. When you can't seem to get out of bed you are the one who gets up and makes yourself lunch for the first time in 3 days. No one else. Because no one knows exactly what's going on in your head besides you. You know the best way to save yourself. You know that adding a hint of cinnamon to your coffee helps you smile after every sip. You know that certain video of a 'talking dog' on YouTube can always make you laugh no matter the day you had. You know that one Lights song always pumps you up on your drive to work when your anxiety is raging. Others may know how to cheer you up or make you feel better in the moment when no one will be there when you contemplate pulling the trigger, or swallowing those pills or jumping off that roof. Your hands are the ones that'll put those pills and that gun down. Your legs will turn back around and take you to go see that movie that you've been wanting to see. You are the one that saves you.
When youre feeling down it's important to think of all the great things that are to come that you'd miss out on if you were to take your life. Here's my top ten reasons I keep pushing; everything from my parents to my favorite food. no matter how silly it may seem any reason is a good reason to keep living.
- My friends and family
- Seeing Taylor swift for the 5th time in July
- Actually getting married on June 3rd
- Buying a house with a giant chandelier in the foyer
- Getting all those tattoos i want
- Mac and cheese
- Corgi butts
- Going to warped tours final year
- Keeping everyone else who feels this way alive also
Dog Wants a Kitty - YouTube